%% --- book type: non-fiction genre: status: author: title: created: 2023-02-11 --- #note/sourcereview/article | #note/sourcereview/book %% --- ## What is feedback? "Feedback is any information you get about yourself" ![[18114120._UY630_SR1200,630_-2510577911.jpeg]] --- ![[istockphoto-1138182720-612x612.jpg]] If you are waiting for perfect feedback that meets your needs and helps you grow exactly when you need it, you will be missing out on almost all of the information you can use to get better. --- _Receiving feedback well does not mean accepting the feedback._ - being open to the data you are receiving - processing it for helpfulness. --- In General, there are three types of feedback 1. Appreciation 2. Assessment 3. Advice _What are you looking for right now?_ --- For me, it's the online medical reviews: ![[CleanShot 2023-02-10 at 15.46.10.jpg]] - Easy scheduling - On-time appointments - 5 ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ 1 Rating _What garbage_ --- ### Triggers that block feedback Truth Triggers - It's not true (at least parts of it) Relationship Triggers - this person has no valid opinion (at least that's what I tell myself) Identity Triggers - That's not me (at least how I want to see myself) --- ### Truth Triggers _Shift from what's wrong to what's different_ Normally we hear feedback with critical listening - Is there any part of what you are being told that is wrong? _shift to_ [[Listening to Understand]] - Is there any part of what you are being told that could be helpful? --- [[Blind Spot]] _Who is most likely to tell you the truth about yourself?_ 1. You? 2. People who love you? 3. People who don't love you? --- #### Relationship Triggers - separate who from what --- #### Identity Triggers 1. Whats the story you tell yourself and why? 2. Identify Reality - dismantle distortions 3. Growth [[Mindset]] - Can you move yourself from **being the best** to **being the best learner?** --- ### Back to your paper - Name your triggers **Underline** Truth Triggers **Circle** Relationship Triggers **Box** around Identity Triggers --- ### Turn your paper over: All of the problems aside, - Is there any piece of this feedback that could be helpful? --- ### The conversation Get aligned on the purpose - what type of feedback do you need right now? --- #### Skills for managing the conversation - Avoid Switch Tracking - Notice when you change the subject, - or try to give feedback on the feedback - Acknowledge the importance of that part and return to the original topic --- #### Acknowledge emotion - Anger or other strong emotion _Is a practical sign that this is something important to you_ What to say in this moment? --- ### Close with commitment 1. Name one thing that might be high leverage - [[keystone habits]] 2. Try Small Experiments - [[Tiny Habits]] 3. Ride the J curve - [[you always get worse before you get better]] 4. Coach the coach - Feedback on the feedback 5. Commit together - [[Negotiate to Optimize not Compromise]] ## What is the other side of the argument? ## What else do I wonder about? ## Action An activity: Fold a paper in half (hot dog not hamburger). On the right half describe the WORST feedback you've ever received. Name everything wrong about the feedback 1. Who? 2. What? 3. Why? 4. When? 5. How --- - Circle truth triggers - Underline relationship triggers - Box around identity triggers --- Flip it over: Write one thing you did or could take from that feedback and make a useful change from - when might you decide to use it? Draft some possible alternatives: - What would this bad feedback have felt like if there was appreciation with it? - What would this bad feedback have felt like if there was high quality evaluation in it? - What would this bad feedback have felt like if there was some helpful advice in it? Get aligned: - What could you have done in the moment to get aligned on what you were looking for? --- ## Source: Stone, D., & Heen, S. (2014). _Thanks for the feedback: The science and art of receiving feedback well; (even when it is base, unfair, poorly delivered, and, frankly, you’re not in the mood)_. Viking. %% ## References, Quotes, Ideas ```dataview table file.mtime.year + "-" + file.mtime.month + "-" + file.mtime.day as Modified from [[ ]] and !outgoing([[ ]]) sort file.mtime desc ``` Stone, D., & Heen, S. (2014). _Thanks for the feedback: The science and art of receiving feedback well; (even when it is base, unfair, poorly delivered, and, frankly, yoru’re not in the mood)_. Viking.