#source/book📚/ingested | #source/book📚/nonfiction # Violence: the use of coercion by threat or guilt _The question is, how can we go about expressing our feelings and needs without threat or guilt?_ This is about [[Relating]] to others, especially when we see the world differently, which is always. ## The [[🐓 Idea Farm/6 Long Form Sources/Nonviolent Communication]] Process is: - Observation - Feeling - Need - Request ### Example: I saw that you didn't unload the dishwasher although I didn't ask you to. I'm feeling a little let down because I need to know that you will proactively take care of the needs of the family. Can I request that when the dishwasher runs, you empty it if you're home? Then, employ [[Listening to Understand]], hear their response, and [[Negotiate to Optimize not Compromise]]. This allows us to say what our feelings and needs are, and make a legitimate request. When we are [[modeling vulnerability]], we open the door to the other sharing as well. ## Emergency Empathy Sometimes, if people are stress, anxious, or feeling threatened, any request comes across as threatening. In those cases Marshall Rosenberg calls for [[emergency empathy]] - Guess their feelings - Guess their needs ### Example: It looks like you're feeling upset because you need to know that I will be able to proactively take care of the household? _It's okay if you're wrong, you are making the effort and they will correct you._ ## Sources: Rosenberg, M. B. (2015). _Nonviolent communication: A language of life_ (3rd edition). PuddleDancer Press. %% #on/values | #on/communication | #on/self | #on/relationships #on/observation | #on/feelings | #on/needs Reread: [[2021-11-18]]