--- created: 2022-12-08T17:19:33-05:00 updated: 2022-12-08T17:19:33-05:00 --- topic: [[Listening]] people: #people/saragray #people/roborman created: 2023-03-22 *A friend you call when you need to decompress after a crisis.* This reminds me of [[Don't Answer Feelings With Facts]], the failure friend has their first job of [[Listening to Understand]]. It's kind of like [[Debriefing]]. A failure friend is a friend you call to debrief your failures, you might have several depending on their area of expertise (or how your lives overlap). This is part of Dr. Sara Gray's excellent approach to dealing with a work crisis: - Step One: Identify that it is a crisis: [[awareness]] - Step Two: [[Debriefing]], you can journal, seek therapy like CBT or EMDR, and/or you can use a [[failure friend]] - Step Three: [[Learning]]: use a growth [[Mindset]] when you are ready. How can you learn about what you did, also how can you learn about how you approach your craft? This matters because [[Emotions live between people rather than within]] and [[naming emotion decreases activation]]. A first step can be "[[name it to tame it]]" then you can move on to thinking since [[emotion and cognition interact to effect learning and memory and decisions]]. The friend could help you with [[cognitive reframing]] if you get to a place where you can look for the silver lining. ##### What would the opposite argument be? You should not talk about bad cases because you can accidentally bring others into a lawsuit. They may be subpoenaed about the case unless there is a Q/A protected relationship around the conversation, or, there is attorney-client privilege, or other protected conversation like spousal. tags: #note/idea | #on/debriefing | #on/emotion | #on/cbt | #on/emergencymedicine | #on/relationships | #on/friends ##### Sources: [Stimulus Podcast 98: How to recover from a horrible, rotten, no-good shift](https://roborman.com/stimulus/98-how-to-recover-from-a-horrible-rotten-no-good-shift/)