[[Relating]] tags:: #note/statement | #on/performance | #on/negotiation| #on/optimization | #on/habit | #on/goals Lon Setnik dates:: 2022-10-09 *Synergy doesn’t just happen.* AKA Create Win-Wins ![[CleanShot 2022-10-09 at 21.44.56.jpg]] From : Negotiation: https://books.google.com/books?id=TK_8nuha630C&pg=PA45#v=onepage&q&f=false GETTING TO SYNERGY This reminds me of [[Creating]], how we can systematically find new solutions when we never thought any other choices existed by [[focus on the process not the goal]], and the process is finding new solutions instead of the goal of getting my way. It's kind of like [[social-cognitive learning theory]], and how learning exists in the space between two people, instead of within either of them, so does this new solution. 5 steps: 1) Define the problem or opportunity: (create a shared [[Mental Model]]) 2) Their way [[first seek to understand]]. - you know when you've gotten there by hearing [[That's exactly right]] 3) My way (seek to be understood by sharing your ideas). - Here there is some deviation in [[Never Split The Difference]]: Chris Voss recommends asking "If ...., how am I supposed to do that?" - [[ask about how something would work instead of why they believe it]] 5) [[Brainstorm for novelty]] - Here brainstorm means something specific, it is a no wrong answer, just start throwing things at the board type of open mindedness. Consider it like [[framestorming]], first identify a bunch of different ways of thinking, then what would those ways of thinking result in? - We need to get beyond our imagined world, beyond our [[Bounded Rationality]]. We can do this by thinking through other people, expanding our world view to include theirs. 7) Optimize - find the best new solution for everyone. [[Never Split The Difference]], compromise usually results in a bad outcome for both of you. It's a bad fallback. Often no deal is better than a bad deal or a compromise. - Remember the brown and black shoe story in the book, you want to wear black shoes, your partner wants you to wear brown shoes, you compromise and wear one brown shoe and one black shoe. - Stick with it: [[no is the first step to yes]]. No isn't bad, it's the other person feeling empowered to influence the outcome. That is good! An early yes is often a problem, it means the person wants to get out of the situation. - [[there is no yes without how]]: once you hear a yes, you need to figure out a how why does it matter? When we look for solutions we are trapped by what we can imagine, which is a small set of the possible answers. When we start to employ the benefits of [[Thinking as a group vs thinking as an individual]], we start to realize that if we systematically get the group participating, we end up with better than we ever thought. [[Bounded Rationality]] tells us that our experience limits our creativity. If we can combine our experience with the other person's experience, we can get [[Creating]] solutions that were outside the boundaries of either of our imaginations, experiences, etc. ### What would the opposite argument be? Some types of problems are [[zero-sum thinking]], if I win, you lose, and vice versa. But, zero-sum thinking is the most limited way of dealing with issues, and almost is never applied properly. In the 1970's we thought the world would run out of copper, and it would become impossibly expensive. We thought there was a zero-sum race to control copper sources. It turns out that we instead invented a whole bunch of technologies that no longer require us to rely on much copper. The cost has actually gone down in the last 60 years. ## Sources: [[🐓 Idea Farm/Deadfall/For myself only/Readwise/Books/The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People]] Hilligsøe, S., Sejer Jakobsen, H., & Storgaard Jensen, M. (2009). _Negotiation: The art of reaching agreement_ (1. edition, 1. print run). Academica. [[Never Split The Difference]]