[[Debriefing]] tags:: #note/idea | #on/feedback | #on/debriefing | #on/facilitation | #on/conflict | #on/aim people:: #people/jennyrudolph Lon Setnik dates:: 2022-09-13 *How to find out what other people are thinking, quickly.* This reminds me of avoiding the [[approach-withdrawal system]] and avoid [[Blind Spot]] by using [[Inquiry]] to learn what others are thinking. It's kind of like how [[Bounded Rationality]] gives borders to what we are thinking but when we open the world to all possibilities we can apply [[social-cognitive learning theory]] and get to [[Learning]] through [[reflection]]. It's a lot like [[🐓 Idea Farm/Deadfall/For myself only/Readwise/Books/Nonviolent Communication]]. ## [[first seek to understand]] ## Advocacy-Inquiry ### Advocay-Inquiry (A/I) is a conversational procedure - Preview - I saw ... - I think ... because the impact of that is ... - I wonder ### An example: You saw your dog chewing on a pillow you just bought. You'd like to talk to her about her chewing the furniture "I'd like to ask about your chewing the furniture, is it a good time? I saw you chewing on the brand new pillow I think chewing on the new pillow is a problem because the impact of that is that our house looks really in tatters. I wonder what was going on for you when you chewed on the pillow" #### Then really listen to understand "I chewed on the pillow after you left me alone in the house when you went to work yesterday" "Oh wow, so it sounds like you chew on the pillows because you are lonely without me?" "That's exactly right!" ### Listening The act of listening should be based in the [[The Basic Assumption (TM)]], that they are reasonable and want to do the right thing. After asking an A/I question, you need to [[Listening to Understand]] A/I matters because it helps us to avoid our own [[Assumptions]] to [[Identifying Reality]] we force reflection and open the world to finding common ground. It uses [[Constructivism]] thinking to perform a diagnostic test to identify the real need, driver, or barrier. ### What would the opposite argument be? Save all the time on inquiry, just tell people what to do! Unfortunately, in many cases your perceived best practice just won't work for them. From [[🐓 Idea Farm/6 Long Form Sources/The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People|The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People]] we get the recommendation: "Put these glasses on, they work for me!" Which is a metaphor for just telling people to do what works for you. ## Sources: [[There's No Such Thing as Non-Judgmental Debriefing]] [[🐓 Idea Farm/Deadfall/For myself only/Readwise/Books/The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People]] [[Change the World]] [[Teaching Smart People How to Learn]]