# The Gifts of Imperfection  ## Metadata - Author: [[Brene Brown]] - Full Title: The Gifts of Imperfection - Category: #books ## Highlights - Once you see a pattern, you can’t un-see it. ([Location 150](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00BS03LL6&location=150)) - with words like worthiness, rest, play, trust, faith, intuition, hope, authenticity, love, belonging, joy, gratitude, and creativity. The Don’t column was dripping with words like perfection, numbing, certainty, exhaustion, ([Location 176](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00BS03LL6&location=176)) - How much we know and understand ourselves is critically important, but there is something that is even more essential to living a wholehearted life: loving ourselves. ([Location 189](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00BS03LL6&location=189)) - unraveling—a time when you feel a desperate pull to live the life you want to live, ([Location 211](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00BS03LL6&location=211)) - I began to say “Oh, hell yes!” rather than “Sounds fun, but I have lots of work to do” ([Location 224](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00BS03LL6&location=224)) - Here’s what I found: People who live wholeheartedly do indeed DIG Deep. They just do it in a different way. When they’re exhausted and overwhelmed, they get DELIBERATE in their thoughts and behaviors through prayer, meditation, or simply setting their intentions; INSPIRED to make new and different choices; GOING. They take action. ([Location 296](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00BS03LL6&location=296)) - PRACTICING LOVE AND BELONGING To begin by always thinking of love as an action rather than a feeling is one way in which anyone using the word in this manner automatically assumes accountability and responsibility. —BELL HOOKS1 ([Location 663](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00BS03LL6&location=663)) - Perhaps our issues are like secondhand smoke. ([Location 693](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00BS03LL6&location=693)) - If we want to take part in this revolution, we have to understand the anatomy of love and belonging; we need to understand when and why we hustle for worthiness rather than claim it; and we have to understand the things that get in the way. ([Location 704](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00BS03LL6&location=704)) - If shame is the universal fear of being unworthy of love and belonging, and if all people have an irreducible and innate need to experience love and belonging, it’s easy to see why shame is often referred to as “the master emotion.” ([Location 849](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00BS03LL6&location=849)) - And if we all have shame, the good news is that we’re all capable of developing shame resilience. Shame resilience is the ability to recognize shame, to move through it constructively while maintaining worthiness and authenticity, and to ultimately develop more courage, compassion, and connection as a result of our experience. ([Location 852](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00BS03LL6&location=852)) - Tags: [[blue]] - Guilt = I did something bad. Shame = I am bad. ([Location 871](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00BS03LL6&location=871)) - Tags: [[blue]] - in order to deal with shame, some of us move away by withdrawing, hiding, silencing ourselves, and keeping secrets. Some of us move toward by seeking to appease and please. And some of us move against by trying to gain power over others, by being aggressive, and by using shame to fight shame (like sending really mean emails). ([Location 951](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00BS03LL6&location=951)) - all of these strategies move us away from our story. ([Location 954](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00BS03LL6&location=954)) - Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are. ([Location 996](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00BS03LL6&location=996)) - audacity of authenticity. ([Location 1014](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00BS03LL6&location=1014)) - Understanding the difference between healthy striving and perfectionism is critical to laying down the shield and picking up your life. ([Location 1087](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00BS03LL6&location=1087)) - WHEN WE NUMB THE DARK, WE NUMB THE LIGHT ([Location 1324](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00BS03LL6&location=1324)) - Tags: [[pink]] - there’s no such thing as selective emotional numbing. ([Location 1326](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00BS03LL6&location=1326)) - broad and fierce enough to combat a list like that is the belief that we’re all in this together and that something greater than us has the capacity to bring love and compassion into our lives. ([Location 1342](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00BS03LL6&location=1342)) - it would be reasonable to say that I have a yoga attitude. ([Location 1384](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00BS03LL6&location=1384)) - Happiness is tied to circumstance and joyfulness is tied to spirit and gratitude. ([Location 1399](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00BS03LL6&location=1399)) - take a hard look at the things that get in the way of gratitude and joy, and to some degree, even happiness. ([Location 1415](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00BS03LL6&location=1415)) - Rather than using that vulnerability shiver that comes when things feel “too good” as a warning sign, use it as a reminder to practice gratitude. ([Location 1444](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00BS03LL6&location=1444)) - Tags: [[blue]] - The dark does not destroy the light; it defines it. It’s our fear of the dark that casts our joy into the shadows. ([Location 1448](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00BS03LL6&location=1448)) - Tags: [[blue]] - addressing scarcity doesn’t mean searching for abundance but rather choosing a mind-set of sufficiency: ([Location 1467](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00BS03LL6&location=1467)) - Tags: [[blue]] - In I Thought It Was Just Me, I write, “We seem to measure the value of people’s contributions (and sometimes their entire lives) by their level of public recognition. In other words, worth is measured by fame and fortune. Our culture is quick to dismiss quiet, ordinary, hardworking people. In many instances, we equate ordinary with boring or, even more dangerous, ordinary has become synonymous with meaningless.”4 ([Location 1476](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00BS03LL6&location=1476)) - what silences our intuitive voice is our need for certainty. ([Location 1512](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00BS03LL6&location=1512)) - surveying has become a red flag for me—it tells me that I’m feeling vulnerable about making a decision. ([Location 1522](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00BS03LL6&location=1522)) - When we charge headlong into big decisions, it may be because we don’t want to know the answers that will emerge from doing due diligence. ([Location 1527](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00BS03LL6&location=1527)) - It’s our human need for certainty and our need to “be right” that have pitted faith and reason against each other in an almost reckless way. ([Location 1537](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00BS03LL6&location=1537)) - Faith is a place of mystery, where we find the courage to believe in what we cannot see and the strength to let go of our fear of uncertainty. ([Location 1546](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00BS03LL6&location=1546)) - The only unique contribution that we will ever make in this world will be born of our creativity. ([Location 1618](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00BS03LL6&location=1618)) - Cultivating Play and Rest: Letting Go of Exhaustion as a Status Symbol and Productivity as Self-Worth ([Location 1645](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00BS03LL6&location=1645)) - work does not work without play.” ([Location 1676](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00BS03LL6&location=1676)) - We all have gifts and talents. When we cultivate those gifts and share them with the world, we create a sense of meaning and purpose in our lives. ([Location 1820](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00BS03LL6&location=1820)) - One Person/Multiple Careers: A New Model for Work/Life Success.1 ([Location 1854](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00BS03LL6&location=1854)) - Gladwell proposes that there are three criteria for meaningful work—complexity, autonomy, and a relationship between effort and reward—and that these can often be found in creative work. ([Location 1876](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00BS03LL6&location=1876)) - Wholehearted living is about engaging in our lives from a place of worthiness. ([Location 2003](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B00BS03LL6&location=2003))